A Balancing Act

Being a mom is many things....it's sleepless nights, a messy house, snot on your clothes, snacks hidden in the craziest places, dirty diapers....above all, it's putting another human beings needs above your own. It's one of the greatest gifts I have ever experienced....and the best excuse.

It's my excuse when I'm too tired to workout, when I go through the drive thru for the 3rd time in a week, when I find myself eating fruit snacks & goldfish when I should be eating veggies...it's one giant balancing act. 

I'd love to say it gets easier as they get older but so far it hasn't...for me anyways...I struggle everyday to figure out how I'm going to take care of my kids...and myself. It's remembering to grab breakfast as I'm rushing 3 kids out the door, it's picking a healthy choice from the fast food place because I, once again, forgot said breakfast, it's making the husband cook dinner one night cause there's a class I wanna go to at the gym. It's not feeling guilty for doing an extra half hour while the kids are in childcare. 

I'm not happy with where I'm at currently. I was happy at 170ish pounds but at 189lbs, I feel defeated, upset, uncomfortable, annoyed and well I'll say it, Fat! I'm mad that I haven't put myself first enough times to continue to lose weight...and it's not my kids fault or my husbands fault...it's my fault. I'm tired of all the excuses I make, all the junk food I keep eating because it's there.

I haven't found my balancing act yet...and although I usually try to end posts with a positive spin or outcome, this doesn't have one...yet. Truth is, I'm not there yet, although by now I thought I would be. I don't know if I'll ever figure out how to juggle everything...but I do know that I can't keep going in the direction that I have been. I will not be 255lbs again, I won't even be 190lbs again. So it ends today! And although this would be way easier with pills, or wraps or even starvation and lots of exercise, I can't do that forever so this has to be something I can do a lifetime...and that means I have to keep it simple. Eat better & Exercise. That's it, nothing fancy.

The girl in this photo was 171lbs....she was determined, she was focused, she was happy....she is me, and she is still there, I just have to dig a little deeper to find her & start balancing my life a little better.