Why I am Fat....

I am stealing the idea of the Great Mama Laughlin & posting why I am fat. Although her post was titled, Why I was Fat, I don't think I am ready to use past tense here. I am still a work in progress & hell, I'm still fat...Why am I fat though? I have thought about this for a long time and I used to believe it was because my family just was. We all are a bunch of short, big bellied ladies. Then it was maybe I just was big boned or broad or just large in general & I could never be skinny so why try. Then it was my husband loved me just for who I was & if he didn't care then what did it matter so much for. Now I know the reason & this may come as a shock to you, it sure was too me, but it's very simple.....I like food! I know right, shocking!!!! I don't believe I am one of those emotional eaters, although after thinking about it I kinda am, I am also an anytime eater, I get excited about meals or desserts...I look forward to going out to eat with my husband & I even go look at the menu beforehand just to plan what I will eat...sad I know but this is me...so now that I know this I should be able to push through, fix what I know is the problem & get f#@*'n skinny, easy right? I'm gonna give you a big fat NO on that one cause although I know my issue I don't want to give up my food...it was there for me & I know that sounds silly but it was...it was there when my parents divorced & I felt alone, it was there when I had to make up boyfriends in school just so I wouldn't look lonely, it was there as family members passed on that I wish were here now, it was there when I had fights with my husband or had children driving me crazy....it has always been there. My happy place, my go to when I am going through anything whether it be sad, happy, lonely, mad, excited, confused, discouraged...so what does it take to stop? I'm not sure yet. Most people say they have this breakthrough & although I feel some of that ah-ha moment of clarity I also have that part of brain, and my stomach, going, so? who cares? eat whatever you want to & just keep on working out...it'll come off eventually. When we all know, that doesn't happen & if it does, it'll take me a lifetime to get to what I want to be & then I'll be dead, so what then?
So my breakthrough hasn't really reached that point of no return so instead of waiting till my brain & stomach play catch-up I gotta take control of  my life. I've already rid negative people out of it & so far haven't looked back...I have to get my eating under control, get excited about food but for different reasons...maybe it's making something that I love that is really fattening & lightening it up while still tasting good so that I don't miss the old version, maybe trying other things for date nights rather than going out to eat...Whatever it is, I am going to do it, I have to do it! I will not continue the rest of my life stuck in this place....I have come 67lbs down & will not go up, not even an oz...

So what's the plan for this week? Well I gotta get my ass to the store & get some healthier things around this house....as for my weight, I didn't do an official weigh in this week but I am happy to say I was 188lbs this am....

I am going to do it & you can do it....sometimes we just need a push & maybe a little bit of truth...