Monday, April 14, 2014

Motivational Monday!

First, I wanted to thank you put there...I was scared to put up that last post...I didn't want to seem like a fraud, although I've never claimed to be doing this all naturally, I hate that I was keeping something from you guys, so thanks for the love.

After that last post, I was thinking about the last 5 months....what was I doing to make me gain the weight? I knew I wasn't working out as much as I used to so was that the problem? I thought I had been eating relatively okay as well...so what was it? Without another thought I ran up to a local Weight Watchers and joined immediately. I needed to get back on track and I thought this would be the best course of action...



Saturday was my first day on it. I get 29 points per day & 49 weekly to spend on one day or spread out through the week. We were headed to the beach so I packed prepped for the day out there. I wanted to do this right. So this was my day:

Breakfast: 1/2cup Dark Chocolate Multi Grain Cheerios with 1/4 cup 2% milk.
Snack: Fresh Fruit Salad
Lunch: Light English muffin with turkey breast, fat free cheese, fat free mayo, mustard & salsa
Snack: 1/2cup Pistacios
Dinner: Grilled Chicken & green beans

Now this all looks good right? Hit my points and everything was fine...but I was starving in between lunch and dinner because my breakfast wasn't very filling...so we got home and I had chips & salsa & a cookie....ugh, I tried not to beat myself up over it and put them under my weekly so in just 1 day I had eaten my full points & almost half of my weekly. Boom! There was my problem....I was eating too much. You think that would have been obvious to me but it just a wasn't...I really didn't think I are that much. But once I started tracking and watching, even for just one day, I knew that was the problem. I made better choice on Sunday and had a more filling breakfast to help stave off the hunger throughout Thales day & I didn't use any weekly! I'm feeling good and actually have my first meeting tonight. I'm looking forward to this again. I did WW after all my pregnancies and I really enjoyed the group meetings. 

I'll keep you posted along the way and maybe even have a weight watchers giveaway at the end of the month.

I'm going to get through whatever this funk is that I'm going through right now, I just have to take it one day at a time, 1 point at a time...i will get back to the point I was 5 months ago...I can stop now, I wont stop....Sometimes we just have to make some adjustments & look a little closer at what is going on....

Make it a Great Week! Remember to link up with us below!

Monday, April 7, 2014

Coming Clean

8 months after having baby # 2, I developed a condition called Bells Palsy. It can be brought on by many things and is something that a lot of pregnant women get because of the stress. If your not familiar, it's where your face droops on one side, sorta like my nerve caught a cold...anywho, it went away pretty much but I've always had some nerve pain in my face and some stiffness. I went to my doctor in the spring of last year...a checkup for my bells and to ask for advice on what I could do about my weight....at that point I had hit a 5 month long plateau. She suggested a couple things, asked what I was doing and then mentioned a pill....an evil pill now looking back....at the time it sounded like a solution for everything. It was an appetite suppresant that affected the nervous system so in controlling and suppressing my appetite, it would also help with my nerve pain and stiffness. It sounded like heaven. So she gave me a 30 day prescription and I was on my way. I took one a day for the 30 days and then refilled from April - October 3 times. Not only did I lose 21lbs but no more pain in my face...I was feeling great and when I woke up the day of my sisters vow renewal and saw 169.8lbs I was ecstatic! I've never been that low. I had been eating the right things and working out and all that work finally paid off.



I never took another pill and continued on my path....then came the holidays & now 6 months later, back are those 20lbs. 



I'm so annoyed and more so, mad at myself for believing I was doing the right thing. I've never claimed to eat clean or said that I've lost the weight without help...my whole life I've tried whatever it would take to get me to lose the weight. Looking back, I've figured out my downfall...I wasn't eating right...I wasn't eating enough and that caused my body to shut down. My metabolism is just dead...and I don't know what to do to fix it. The major downfall? Thinking that some pill would be magic and help me get down to my ideal weight...so here I am today...back up to the weight that I was stuck at and I'm stuck again. I'm hoping to get my body & my mind back on the losing side of things...and I'm sure it's gonna take a while...and that's okay. It's a forever journey I'm on, not just a few weeks or months or even years...forever. So I'm trying to get a forever mind frame and do this right. It sucks feeling like the heavy chick again, to get tired during classes that had become easier for me...to not have the same energy, or drive...and that's from a lot of things I've been doing and I can't blame it all on that stupid pill....I haven't taken it since October, but I think a lot of thes stuff I'm dealing with is a result of all that it did to my body, which is nothing good. I hope that this helps maybe some of you out there that are trying easy fixes. There is nothing easy about getting healthy and anything that seems like it's too good to be true, it probably is. I learned that the hard way....but it's not stopping me, I may have been pushed back a bit but I'm still moving forward.....and coming clean with you & myself is just another step forward.

Friday, April 4, 2014

Still.

I'm still 192lbs.
I'm still uncomfortable in my clothes.
I'm still not going to the gym consistently.
I'm still not eating right.
I'm still not following through.
I'm still not planning.
I'm still making excuses....

So, why am I not losing weight yet???? Duh!

I can't complain about something when I'm not doing anything to change my situation.

There is no magic trick or secret to losing weight....it's simply working out & eating right. And I'm still not doing it. I know what I should be doing...I know I need to be working out more than twice a week, I know I shouldn't eat that ice cream or sit on my ass and watch the SVU marathon (I'm so addicted) but I do and yet I wake up every morning & step on the scale like it's going to be different....ITS NOT MORGAN! So get your ass off the scale, close your mouth and go to the gym! I scream this everyday at myself and here I still am.

I'm still 192lbs.
I'm still uncomfortable in my clothes.
I'm still not going to the gym consistently.
I'm still not eating right.
I'm still not following through.
I'm still not planning.


I'm done with the excuses....done with the pity party.....done! I will not be STILL...I will get my head out of the fridge and point it back in the direction I was headed in 5 months ago. I know what I need to do, I just have to do it. Still.





Sunday, March 23, 2014

Motivational Monday!

Who inspires you?

A question I get asked quite a bit....I've also been told by a few that I inspire them, which shocks the hell out of me.

I've said before that my grandmother was and still is an inspiration of mine. She was the epitome of a beautiful, loving, kind wife & mother...everything I strive to be, everyday. She was also someone who was on me about my weight and wanted to see me be the beautiful & healthy granddaughter she knew I was. The woman I knew I was but just didn't know how to find her....after 2 babies I knew I needed to make a change but after she died I fell into this depression I couldn't shake. A little backstory, my mother & grandmother both had heart attacks within a week of eachother, my mom first. She was alive but needed a triple bypass in the next few months, the day she was released from the hospital (7 days later) I got a call from my aunt that my grandmother had passed away overnight. It was the day after Valentine's Day....to say that was a rough time for me is an understatement...I had started to workout & eat better and had gotten to 200lbs finally and then it just all went to pieces....I got pregnant 6 months later only to have a miscarriage at 7 weeks along. 2010 was a rough year. But I got pregnant with our Brody in January of 2011 and everything changed. I had him in October and started this journey.

So back to who inspires me....

It started with a single person but it's grown into being inspired by everyone around me. It's the friends I've made who go through similar struggles, it's those friends that push me & make me not want to give up. It's the friend who tags along with me to a class because they are so impressed with how far I've come, it's family members who look at me so differently, it's complete strangers that read this blog and message me with encouraging words. And although lately I feel like that inspirational spirit of my grandmother is nowhere to be found, I've finally figured out that she's still there, she just wants me to take the wheel....and I need to. need to become my own inspiration. I need to be the reason I'm changing, the reason I'm growing....
it's gonna sound a little cheesy but my grandmother had this candle that she always smelled like and when she passed away I took it. I wanted to remember her smell...I also found the lotion to match it so whenever I feel a little lost or am thinking of her, when I need her, I put on her lotion or I light the candle and it helps remind me of where I come from and I even hear her voice deep inside me saying "Morgan Marie, I know you can do it. You have to finish what you start." 
That woman will always be someone who inspires me...she was truly the best person I have ever had in my life. 

Find someone who inspires you but don't let that be the focus....try to live one day at a time and focus on the change within you so that you can see the change on the outside. Your inspiration may not always be there so you need to want this for yourself. You have to do this for you first and if along the way some inspiration comes then roll with it....you are what matters and maybe one day you can inspire others.....


Monday, March 17, 2014

12 Weeks

You can do a lot in 12 weeks...I hope I'm able to.

I realized the other day that it was 12 weeks till my birthday. I realized that I can't be living like I have been. Only working out 2-3 days a week, eating garbage, not craving anything yet eating everything....I can't, I wont...the 190's are creeping back up towards me and I can't let that happen....so I'm in beast mode.

Called a trainer friend I've mentioned here before and had her tell me what I need to do...I work best when someone tells me a specific plan to follow. So I'll be eating 6x a day, cardio 5x per week & weights 3x per week. I'll get 1 rest day & 1 cheat meal a week. I'll try to document as much as possible. I'm weighing in the am and taking measurements & photos. I meal prepped for the next 6 days....food is pretty much chicken, veggies, eggs and protein shakes. It's not fancy, but it'll be what I have to do to get back into the zone I was in pre holidays.

The other night, as I lay in bed, I prayed...I prayed for my motivation to come back. I'm not sure where it is and why I can't seem to find it... I can't keep living the way that I have been...and I can use all the excuses that I want but it's not going to change anything...it's not going to help. I have to stop making those excuses and just work....work to make the changes I so badly want to see...to feel.



I can't count on my motivation to always be there...there are gonna be many obstacles and challenges along the way...I can't let them stop me. I have to be better than all of that and prove to myself that I can do this. That I will do this. 

Monday, March 10, 2014

Motivational Monday!

Progress Pics!!!

Now they're not everyone favorite...for me, they are a helpful tool in my weight loss journey. They make me feel better when I feel like I'm not losing...they also keep me in check when I know I need to get back on track. 

This was my latest side by side...when I was happy with my weight loss...I've gained some pounds and I'm not happy with it, but I'm working on it.

This is my most recent...where I can see my weight gain and what I need to do to work on stuff. 

This girl on the left was happy with what she was doing....I felt great and was comfortable in my own skin again...the girl on the right isn't far away, I just have to find her again...

A wise man once told me "it's not all about the journey but more about the destination" or something like that ;) and that's sort of where I'm at. Looking toward the future & where I see myself....and trying to behave & eat like I would if I was in that body now. It's a lot of work and I'm trying my best to see the positive...I will get back to where I want to be, it's just gonna take some hard work and a little soul searching.

So we had a little giveaway! Who won? Congrats Amanda! Look for an email with details on getting your prize!

If you really wanted to win but didn't, you can always shop online at www.mythirtyone.com/mdixonbags

Now, let's see your Progress Pics!!!

Wednesday, March 5, 2014

Diana's Story

Today's post is a little different...it's about a girlfriend of mine, Diana. Now, we met when I started my journey but I didn't know her all that well. She worked out at my gym and did all the classes I was trying out. She looked like the typical, doesn't need to workout, she already is fit, sorta gal....I judged her based on how skinny & fit she was compared to myself. We all do it, we all have that someone at the gym that just boggles the mind "why is she/he here?" They're done?! While I'm thinking about it, a lot of my friends now are all these people that I would've never thought I'd be friends with...but that's a another story, another day....

As Diana and I have become closer & closer...I would say this last year has brought us the closest, I've realized that my assumptions about her were all wrong. She isn't the token "skinny girl", she has struggled like all of us...I'll let D tell you a little about her journey....

"I was always pretty athletic because of my dance background, then when I stopped and got lazy during college I gained a bunch of weight because I didn't know how to exercise if it didnt involve dance. I tried different stuff like running and Pilates but didnt really enjoy it. My weight was always fluctuating and the only way I knew how to keep it down was to basically starve myself. Then when I moved home after college and joined LFF, I discovered body jam. I was obsessed and felt like I fell in love with dance all over again. I took it 4 or 5 days a week, then eventually got certified in it after being encouraged by other jam instructors. Jam holds a special place in my heart because not only did It allow me to do what I love again, but it opened my eyes to the world of group fitness and les mills. I started trying other classes and got hooked on almost all of them. When I first started taking classes like attack and combat, I thought I was going to literally die after just one class and considered it a serious accomplishment if I made it through 2. With all this endurance and strength building, 4 years later, I'm able to do group fitness marathons. 4, 5, 6 classes at a time. Some people say it's obsessive but I know my body well enough and listen when it just says "no more bitch." I'm in the best shape of my life and have physically accomplished things I never thought were possible. A lot of it is attributed to my new obsession with grit! HIIT Training is the most intense form of working out and I try to do grit 3 times a week. My body isn't perfect, but it's strong, and it's me."



It's Me...something we all need to be mindful of...stop comparing yourself to others...you have no idea what struggles or hard work they've put in to get to the fitness level you see them at now. I'm sure people make assumptions about me now & honestly, that fear of what people may or may not think about me holds me back from things. Holds me back from pushing myself....Diana didn't let that stop her. She kept pushing through to get to the best shape of her life! We all need to have that mindset, including myself....

I am so happy & proud to call a woman like this a Friend. She pushes me when I want to stop, encourages me when I feel down & is always there for me...and she is a freakin badass! My inspiration. 

Everyone needs a Diana in their life...but you gotta find your own...she's probably buried deep inside....that little voice that tells you not to stop...whatever her name, she's there....you just have to dig a little deeper.