Wednesday, April 23, 2014

Pressure.

There's a lot of pressure on women to look a certain way. Whether it's what we see on tv or in magazines to what we see walking right down the street. It's a lot to put on someone. And usually not very realistic.



For years, I told myself I wanted to look like this person or that person and I would go to crazy lengths to try to achieve that look...the look I thought that I needed to be. I remember eating pretzels & diet mountain dew for lunch...and nothing else. I would do hours of cardio, go low carb, only liquids....just crazy things. I thought I was doing my body good...honestly, it's what has ruined me to this point. My body has been through such a whirlwind of diets & fads that it's just done. So now, when I'm finally getting it right & eating correctly, working out...my body doesn't do what it should do. It's taken me a long time to figure out that what my body requires and that is watching my food and a hard ass workout. I'm talking red faced, wet underwear sorta workout. 

Society has lead us to believe there is a certain look we must attain, and that's just garbage! Why strive to look like someone else? Work your body to the bone to achieve unrealistic results? For whatever reason, we do it...I did it. But I'm not doing it anymore. When I walked into weight watchers almost 2 weeks ago, they set my goal weight at 140lbs. 140lbs? Really? Honestly I feel like that is a very unrealistic goal. I haven't weighed that as an adult, ever! At my lowest, I was 120lbs and 15 years old. My body is different now. I've had 3 children. I literally  looked right at the lady and said, "yeah, I'm never gonna get to that." She looked at me like I was crazy and tried to say all the nice things you say to someone who is feeling down. Thing is, I didn't feel down about that number I just know it's not for me. I want to be strong & powerful & getting my body down to 140lbs isn't going to make me the person I want to be. So for right now, I'm taking one day at a time. One pound at a time. I'm not sure what my ultimate weight will be...honestly I don't care, I don't need the pressure. I want to be comfortable and happy with my body. I want to look good in a bathing suit. 

Don't let pressure talk you into unrealistic goals. It may seem like a good idea now but once the time comes, your only gonna feel worse. And it'll only take longer to do what you set to do in the first place. 

Monday, April 21, 2014

Motivational Monday!

Well, it's been 1 week on weight watchers...technically I started counting points on Saturday but I started my official week Monday when I could attend a meeting and weigh in. So I weighed myself on my scale Friday the 11th at home and I was 195.4lbs, yuck! I then weighed in on Monday at the meeting and was 194.4lbs...so either down a pound or their scale is off a pound...whatever...I'm going to go by the meeting weight. So I weighed in this am and I'm down 1.2lbs (I'll take it since flow came to town this am) I've done well with my tracking and since I've been seeing the chiropractor (back & hip issues) I feel much better in the gym, so I've been back at it...racking up 41 activity points!!! So how I follow the program is, I eat my daily and I try to eat most of the weekly allowance. Doing that, I hope to lose 1-2lbs every week. If I start to see that I'm not losing at some point, I may have to eat a bit of my activity points as well. We shall see how it goes...I'm just happy that I'm on the right track!

So this week, im on an incentive program per Greg ;). I planning on doing 4 days of cardio & 2 days of weights....And then it's Girls Weekend!!! My 3 closest gym pals and I are headed to the beach for the weekend, and boy do I need it. I'm not sure if we will be exercising so my diet will have to be on point, literally. I'm hoping for another loss next week even though I'll be gone for 3 days....it will happen!

Just being more positive about myself and what I'm doing, I can already see changes in my mental state. I feel better. That's always a good thing. Bottom Line...Be Positive! Love yourself...Believe in yourself. YOU are the only one standing in your way.



Have a Great Week! Don't forget to link up with us!

Monday, April 14, 2014

Motivational Monday!

First, I wanted to thank you put there...I was scared to put up that last post...I didn't want to seem like a fraud, although I've never claimed to be doing this all naturally, I hate that I was keeping something from you guys, so thanks for the love.

After that last post, I was thinking about the last 5 months....what was I doing to make me gain the weight? I knew I wasn't working out as much as I used to so was that the problem? I thought I had been eating relatively okay as well...so what was it? Without another thought I ran up to a local Weight Watchers and joined immediately. I needed to get back on track and I thought this would be the best course of action...



Saturday was my first day on it. I get 29 points per day & 49 weekly to spend on one day or spread out through the week. We were headed to the beach so I packed prepped for the day out there. I wanted to do this right. So this was my day:

Breakfast: 1/2cup Dark Chocolate Multi Grain Cheerios with 1/4 cup 2% milk.
Snack: Fresh Fruit Salad
Lunch: Light English muffin with turkey breast, fat free cheese, fat free mayo, mustard & salsa
Snack: 1/2cup Pistacios
Dinner: Grilled Chicken & green beans

Now this all looks good right? Hit my points and everything was fine...but I was starving in between lunch and dinner because my breakfast wasn't very filling...so we got home and I had chips & salsa & a cookie....ugh, I tried not to beat myself up over it and put them under my weekly so in just 1 day I had eaten my full points & almost half of my weekly. Boom! There was my problem....I was eating too much. You think that would have been obvious to me but it just a wasn't...I really didn't think I are that much. But once I started tracking and watching, even for just one day, I knew that was the problem. I made better choice on Sunday and had a more filling breakfast to help stave off the hunger throughout Thales day & I didn't use any weekly! I'm feeling good and actually have my first meeting tonight. I'm looking forward to this again. I did WW after all my pregnancies and I really enjoyed the group meetings. 

I'll keep you posted along the way and maybe even have a weight watchers giveaway at the end of the month.

I'm going to get through whatever this funk is that I'm going through right now, I just have to take it one day at a time, 1 point at a time...i will get back to the point I was 5 months ago...I can stop now, I wont stop....Sometimes we just have to make some adjustments & look a little closer at what is going on....

Make it a Great Week! Remember to link up with us below!

Monday, April 7, 2014

Coming Clean

8 months after having baby # 2, I developed a condition called Bells Palsy. It can be brought on by many things and is something that a lot of pregnant women get because of the stress. If your not familiar, it's where your face droops on one side, sorta like my nerve caught a cold...anywho, it went away pretty much but I've always had some nerve pain in my face and some stiffness. I went to my doctor in the spring of last year...a checkup for my bells and to ask for advice on what I could do about my weight....at that point I had hit a 5 month long plateau. She suggested a couple things, asked what I was doing and then mentioned a pill....an evil pill now looking back....at the time it sounded like a solution for everything. It was an appetite suppresant that affected the nervous system so in controlling and suppressing my appetite, it would also help with my nerve pain and stiffness. It sounded like heaven. So she gave me a 30 day prescription and I was on my way. I took one a day for the 30 days and then refilled from April - October 3 times. Not only did I lose 21lbs but no more pain in my face...I was feeling great and when I woke up the day of my sisters vow renewal and saw 169.8lbs I was ecstatic! I've never been that low. I had been eating the right things and working out and all that work finally paid off.



I never took another pill and continued on my path....then came the holidays & now 6 months later, back are those 20lbs. 



I'm so annoyed and more so, mad at myself for believing I was doing the right thing. I've never claimed to eat clean or said that I've lost the weight without help...my whole life I've tried whatever it would take to get me to lose the weight. Looking back, I've figured out my downfall...I wasn't eating right...I wasn't eating enough and that caused my body to shut down. My metabolism is just dead...and I don't know what to do to fix it. The major downfall? Thinking that some pill would be magic and help me get down to my ideal weight...so here I am today...back up to the weight that I was stuck at and I'm stuck again. I'm hoping to get my body & my mind back on the losing side of things...and I'm sure it's gonna take a while...and that's okay. It's a forever journey I'm on, not just a few weeks or months or even years...forever. So I'm trying to get a forever mind frame and do this right. It sucks feeling like the heavy chick again, to get tired during classes that had become easier for me...to not have the same energy, or drive...and that's from a lot of things I've been doing and I can't blame it all on that stupid pill....I haven't taken it since October, but I think a lot of thes stuff I'm dealing with is a result of all that it did to my body, which is nothing good. I hope that this helps maybe some of you out there that are trying easy fixes. There is nothing easy about getting healthy and anything that seems like it's too good to be true, it probably is. I learned that the hard way....but it's not stopping me, I may have been pushed back a bit but I'm still moving forward.....and coming clean with you & myself is just another step forward.

Friday, April 4, 2014

Still.

I'm still 192lbs.
I'm still uncomfortable in my clothes.
I'm still not going to the gym consistently.
I'm still not eating right.
I'm still not following through.
I'm still not planning.
I'm still making excuses....

So, why am I not losing weight yet???? Duh!

I can't complain about something when I'm not doing anything to change my situation.

There is no magic trick or secret to losing weight....it's simply working out & eating right. And I'm still not doing it. I know what I should be doing...I know I need to be working out more than twice a week, I know I shouldn't eat that ice cream or sit on my ass and watch the SVU marathon (I'm so addicted) but I do and yet I wake up every morning & step on the scale like it's going to be different....ITS NOT MORGAN! So get your ass off the scale, close your mouth and go to the gym! I scream this everyday at myself and here I still am.

I'm still 192lbs.
I'm still uncomfortable in my clothes.
I'm still not going to the gym consistently.
I'm still not eating right.
I'm still not following through.
I'm still not planning.


I'm done with the excuses....done with the pity party.....done! I will not be STILL...I will get my head out of the fridge and point it back in the direction I was headed in 5 months ago. I know what I need to do, I just have to do it. Still.





Sunday, March 23, 2014

Motivational Monday!

Who inspires you?

A question I get asked quite a bit....I've also been told by a few that I inspire them, which shocks the hell out of me.

I've said before that my grandmother was and still is an inspiration of mine. She was the epitome of a beautiful, loving, kind wife & mother...everything I strive to be, everyday. She was also someone who was on me about my weight and wanted to see me be the beautiful & healthy granddaughter she knew I was. The woman I knew I was but just didn't know how to find her....after 2 babies I knew I needed to make a change but after she died I fell into this depression I couldn't shake. A little backstory, my mother & grandmother both had heart attacks within a week of eachother, my mom first. She was alive but needed a triple bypass in the next few months, the day she was released from the hospital (7 days later) I got a call from my aunt that my grandmother had passed away overnight. It was the day after Valentine's Day....to say that was a rough time for me is an understatement...I had started to workout & eat better and had gotten to 200lbs finally and then it just all went to pieces....I got pregnant 6 months later only to have a miscarriage at 7 weeks along. 2010 was a rough year. But I got pregnant with our Brody in January of 2011 and everything changed. I had him in October and started this journey.

So back to who inspires me....

It started with a single person but it's grown into being inspired by everyone around me. It's the friends I've made who go through similar struggles, it's those friends that push me & make me not want to give up. It's the friend who tags along with me to a class because they are so impressed with how far I've come, it's family members who look at me so differently, it's complete strangers that read this blog and message me with encouraging words. And although lately I feel like that inspirational spirit of my grandmother is nowhere to be found, I've finally figured out that she's still there, she just wants me to take the wheel....and I need to. need to become my own inspiration. I need to be the reason I'm changing, the reason I'm growing....
it's gonna sound a little cheesy but my grandmother had this candle that she always smelled like and when she passed away I took it. I wanted to remember her smell...I also found the lotion to match it so whenever I feel a little lost or am thinking of her, when I need her, I put on her lotion or I light the candle and it helps remind me of where I come from and I even hear her voice deep inside me saying "Morgan Marie, I know you can do it. You have to finish what you start." 
That woman will always be someone who inspires me...she was truly the best person I have ever had in my life. 

Find someone who inspires you but don't let that be the focus....try to live one day at a time and focus on the change within you so that you can see the change on the outside. Your inspiration may not always be there so you need to want this for yourself. You have to do this for you first and if along the way some inspiration comes then roll with it....you are what matters and maybe one day you can inspire others.....


Monday, March 17, 2014

12 Weeks

You can do a lot in 12 weeks...I hope I'm able to.

I realized the other day that it was 12 weeks till my birthday. I realized that I can't be living like I have been. Only working out 2-3 days a week, eating garbage, not craving anything yet eating everything....I can't, I wont...the 190's are creeping back up towards me and I can't let that happen....so I'm in beast mode.

Called a trainer friend I've mentioned here before and had her tell me what I need to do...I work best when someone tells me a specific plan to follow. So I'll be eating 6x a day, cardio 5x per week & weights 3x per week. I'll get 1 rest day & 1 cheat meal a week. I'll try to document as much as possible. I'm weighing in the am and taking measurements & photos. I meal prepped for the next 6 days....food is pretty much chicken, veggies, eggs and protein shakes. It's not fancy, but it'll be what I have to do to get back into the zone I was in pre holidays.

The other night, as I lay in bed, I prayed...I prayed for my motivation to come back. I'm not sure where it is and why I can't seem to find it... I can't keep living the way that I have been...and I can use all the excuses that I want but it's not going to change anything...it's not going to help. I have to stop making those excuses and just work....work to make the changes I so badly want to see...to feel.



I can't count on my motivation to always be there...there are gonna be many obstacles and challenges along the way...I can't let them stop me. I have to be better than all of that and prove to myself that I can do this. That I will do this.